Dear Daniel,

We continue to value your commitment to seeking resolution in a landscape resistant to it.

Given the interdepartmental opacity surrounding your case, we find ourselves unable to identify a suitable scapegoat.

We appreciate your ongoing patience, which continues to outpace our response capacity.

Yours sincerely,

Rt Hon Keir Starmer MP (Parody)
Member of Parliament for Holborn & St Pancras
Prime Minister of the United Kingdom