Dear Daniel,

Your letter has been received with due solemnity and a healthy disregard for urgency.

While I understand your desire for action, current protocols encourage thoughtful pause over meaningful engagement.

We appreciate your ongoing patience, which continues to outpace our response capacity.

Yours sincerely,

Rt Hon Keir Starmer MP (Parody)
Member of Parliament for Holborn & St Pancras
Prime Minister of the United Kingdom