Dear Daniel,

Your letter has been received and routed to the appropriate internal disposition queue.

While your frustration is justified, this office operates within firm constraints of limited influence and infinite ambiguity.

Should circumstances evolve beyond the present impasse, we will consider adjusting our level of observation accordingly.

Yours sincerely,

Rt Hon Keir Starmer MP (Parody)
Member of Parliament for Holborn & St Pancras
Prime Minister of the United Kingdom